Recompense
by Sailor Panda
Summary: One good turn deserves another, even when it's not expected. Maybe even especially then.


**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Spoilers for entire series, following manga storyline instead of the anime. This is an older fic I unearthed and was written way back in October 2005 for the Rurouni Kenshin Fanfic Challenge community on LiveJournal, challenge #4 theme 'Keeping Watch.'

Sorry I have nothing newer to offer on anything else, but life is really busy for me and I haven't had much time at all to write. So you have to take what you can get. Hope you enjoy!

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A lone figure trudged sedately at a steady pace down the old dirt road lined on either side with the tall trees of the woods, too numerous to count. The path was one well-known and often traveled so there was no real hurry felt even as the sky began to quietly darken, signaling both the coming of night and the onslaught of a long promised storm. And when it came with the first droplet of cool rain spattering on exposed warm flesh, the traveler paused and gazed upwards with an exasperated sigh.

"Mou!" Kaoru exclaimed. "I _told_ Yahiko it was good idea to bring an umbrella."

_Fwap!_ was the sound made as she opened her shield against the storm.

"Good thing I didn't listen to him," Kaoru said to herself with a smile. "And I'll be sure to rub it in when he comes back home."

The thought made her sigh again, as she was reminded once again of the empty building waiting for her that she called home. With Megumi gone and Sanosuke no doubt still dodging the authorities wherever he was, the past few months had just been spent with Kenshin and Yahiko to keep her company at the dojo. Under usual circumstances, anyway. But with money growing tight once more, Kenshin had decided to help out by taking a job aboard a merchant ship that would see him away from home for another week at least. And Yahiko was also pulling his weight by working at both the Akabeko restaurant and a local stable in town. However, with a surprising number of tourists visiting this season, both were exceeding busy and Yahiko found it more convenient at the moment to spend his nights resting in a small storage shack that Tae had behind the restaurant and allowed him to use until this sudden influx of patrons died down.

Kaoru had seen nothing wrong with it at the time. Indeed, she was glad everyone was helping with the living costs because they could always use whatever funds they could acquire. Though a few of the locals had started expressing interest in becoming students of her dojo, there was nothing concrete yet. Needing to earn some money of her own and wanting something to keep her time occupied, she had accepted a position as a temporary substitute for a dojo in a nearby town until the instructor recovered from a broken leg. It didn't really take that long to get there, so she often returned home once the lessons were finished. And she really _did_ enjoy the experience of having students to instruct again.

She just hadn't counted on the returning home part being quite as lonely as it was.

"Well," Kaoru mused, "standing here while it rains won't make it any less lonely."

With her luck, she would wind up with a cold and a litany of Yahiko's snide remarks and a string of worriedly reproachful looks by Kenshin once he returned. While bearable, she still found either to be annoying and better to be avoided as much as possible, something that seemed less and less likely the longer she continued to stand there as the rain began pouring down harder from the skies above.

Determined to avoid such an undesirable situation, Kaoru motioned to resume her journey home. As it was, however, other powers came into play.

Whether it was fate that caused it to rain at that moment and paused her at that particular spot on the road, or whether it was just a quirk of nature leading a sudden flock of squawking crows launching into the air, it was hard to say. Nevertheless, her attention was drawn towards the swarming black birds and then caught by something she saw through an opening leading deeper into the woods.

There were rumors about the dangers of stepping off the path and venturing into the woods, in that area in particular. It wasn't something Kaoru wanted to do either for though she disliked rumors, she knew the benefits of caution as well. But however much she would rather continue down the road towards home, she was no coward and something in those woods just would not let her leave so easily. And so, no matter how foolish it was, she gripped the handle of her umbrella tightly in one hand and her wooden bokken in the other as she slowly picked her way through the rain over the uneven ground.

The farther she strayed into the woods away from the dirt path and the closer she drew towards the object that held her attention, the more tense she became. Part of her building anxiety was due to the effort it took to maneuver over roots and slippery grass, listening to the multiple scratchings of low-hanging branches scraping across the hood of her umbrella. The other part came from not knowing what to expect with her all alone in the woods with no one to aid her if she were to call out for help. The latter, especially, made her hold her breath while her grip on her bokken turned white-knuckled as the object of her attention took on more solid form with every approaching footstep. And when her focus became clear, when her mind could finally make sense of what her eyes beheld -

"Aoshi-san!" Kaoru gasped.

The figure never moved.

Battling between surprised confusion and worried concern, Kaoru abandoned caution in favor of haste. Even as her footsteps squelched in the muddy mess the rain made of the ground, Aoshi showed no reaction and the very lack of response in a well-trained warrior that Kaoru knew him to be had her heart practically clogging her throat in fear at what she might possibly find. What she found when she was a mere few feet away from him made her breathe easier, though her concern didn't lessen.

He was alive.

The slight rise and fall that indicated he was breathing was all that seemed to indicate that he was alive, however. Though she could detect no sight of blood or wounds, there seemed to be no other sign of life, however.

"Aoshi-san?" Kaoru called softly.

No response.

"Aoshi-san!" Louder, more sharply this time.

Nothing.

He just sat there cross-legged on the muddy earth, back against the trunk of a tree and rain cascading over him. But it was his eyes that gave her the most concern. Open and unblinking, they were as blank as his expression. His gaze was that of a blind man staring at things that only he knew. It was as if he were in a trance and Kaoru was at a loss of how to snap him out of it.

Why was he here? What was he doing? Where was he in his thoughts right now? How did she get him out of wherever he was? Who could help him?

"Misao-chan," Kaoru muttered beneath her breath. "You idiot."

Things were becoming a little clearer. She had a sudden flashback to the letter she had received out of the blue a few days ago. The writing had babbled with a bright Misao-like cheer that Kaoru had found even more boisterous than usual and included the expected rundown of how everything was fine at the Aoiya, the almost casual mention that Aoshi had decided to do some traveling and to write back if he had the courtesy to drop by Tokyo and let them know how the visit went.

In other words, Aoshi suddenly disappeared and the Oniwabanshuu were in an uproar.

Kaoru had no doubt that Misao had made light of things in the letter by not addressing the real situation back in Kyoto so as not to worry her. While she could understand the sentiment, might even have done the same if their positions had been reversed, it didn't help her now. She had no idea as to what was going on or what had brought Aoshi here in such a state. She wasn't sure how to help him, didn't know him well enough to know if she even could. But, in the end, did any of that really matter?

No.

One thing, if anything, was completely clear - she simply couldn't just leave him alone.

Drawing in a steadying breath, she stepped closer. "Aoshi-san?"

As expected, she received the same lack of response. Uncertain as to what steps to take next, she cast her gaze anxiously around in the hopes that _something_ would spark an idea of how to shake him out of this worrying state of mind. While nothing came immediately to mind, there was something niggling at her thoughts, something that she felt she should know. It slowly came to her, taking shape as she glanced back and forth between Aoshi and the direction where his blank unseeing eyes seemed to stare off into.

At first, she couldn't quite place it. A cursory glance showed nothing truly out of the ordinary, nothing that would indicate the reason behind Aoshi's unusual behavior. However, the longer she looked, the more it seemed that something really was out of place. It took only a few more moments for her to figure out what particular details bothered her about the scenery.

Four stones.

While it wasn't unusual to find stones in the woods, they were usually scattered randomly about. These were different. They were large and placed too close together to be part of nature's random design. That could only mean that their placement was deliberate.

Returning her gaze to Aoshi's empty-eyed features, it came to her in a soft rush of understanding. While she hadn't been there to witness the events, and though Kenshin and Sanosuke had been lacking in the details of what exactly had happened, Yahiko was another story and had excitedly expounded on the amazing things he had seen when they had invaded Kanryuu's complex to rescue Megumi. Kaoru remembered being horrified when Yahiko had related how the Oniwabanshuu members had died protecting their leader and sickened when he shared the gruesome image of their decapitated heads dangling from Aoshi's blood-stained hands.

Staring now at those four stones, Kaoru had an idea of what had been done with those heads.

Aoshi's behavior made more sense to her. Grief was a terrible thing when it came to losing people one loved and the sadness over the loss never completely went away. It was easier for some than others, some people able to resolve the worst of those painful feelings within the first year while others took several years or more. She remembered the painful emotions she had gone through after her father's death and her heart sympathized deeply at what this silent warrior before her must have been experiencing.

And the first anniversary of a loved one's death was often the hardest.

It was harder still when the one was four.

Closing her eyes, Kaoru wanted to give him time alone with his comrades' graves, give him as much time as he needed to grieve. But as much as she wanted that, she had no idea how long he had already been sitting there in that position. For all she knew, it could have been days and she couldn't risk leaving him as he was in the cold rain with night lurking on the horizon. She needed to get him sheltered. She needed to get him to come home with her.

Unfortunately, she didn't know how to do that.

She hadn't had much luck so far in gaining his attention. The likelihood of coming across a passing traveler willing to help was very slim in this weather. And there was no way she would be able to carry him back the distance home - he was twice her size! The only way she could get him home would be with his cooperation. However, the only way to do that required that she, somehow, snap him out of whatever trance he'd put himself under.

Determination, stubbornness - whatever anyone cared to call it, Kaoru was absolutely unwilling to leave unless Aoshi was accompanying her. And since it was obvious that her mere calling for him wouldn't work, she hoped that something else would succeed where voice wouldn't.

She touched him.

Or, at least, that had been the plan.

No sooner had she taken those last few footsteps between them that brought the umbrella she clutched shielding him from the down pouring rain than she suddenly found the woods spinning around her. Barely had she time for a strangled gasp before her back hit the ground roughly with Aoshi looming above her with eyes that were still unseeing but no longer expressionless.

They were filled with rage.

Such black fury was in those burning eyes that Kaoru felt fear clogging her throat and desperately, despite past failed attempts, she tried to call out his name. But it wasn't just the fear that closed her throat and made her unable to speak out - it was the vise wrapped around it.

Aoshi was choking her!

Kaoru couldn't breathe. The one hand he had wrapped around her neck was strong and even the strength lent to her clawing hands by desperation couldn't pry it off. Her chest burning as if on fire and her vision beginning to blur and fade along the edges, she knew that if she didn't find a way to bring Aoshi back to himself she was as good as dead.

She couldn't allow that to happen. Not only would that add to weight of things Aoshi couldn't forgive himself for, she wouldn't forgive herself for the pain her death would cause, not again. A rush of renewed determination flooded through her and she struggled against her darkening vision.

If only she hadn't dropped her bokken and umbrella in the surprise of her fall, she could have used either to knock him back to his senses. Her gaze darted around but from her position she could find no trace of them and that meant she had to be quick to find some other method before he killed her. With a ringing building in her ears and her chest feeling about to burst, time was running out. Using what leverage and remaining strength she had left to her, she made her move.

_SMACK!_

"Okashira!" Kaoru yelled hoarsely when the vice around her throat loosened. "Get a hold of yourself!"

"Wha-?"

Ignoring the stinging pain in her palm and suddenly freed from constriction, she gratefully dragged in breath after breath in choked gasps. But it wasn't her body that truly concerned her anymore. It was Aoshi that had her full attention.

Though she hadn't known him for very long or very well, she had never seen such an expression on his face. She doubted many had. Dawning realization, a horrified surprise as he stared at her and clenched the fist that had strangled her, those she could clearly see in the dying light. But it was the guilt and remorse that brought an ache to her heart. Those emotions she knew well. She'd felt it often enough herself, witnessed it countless times in Kenshin. And, as always, that urge to wipe it away from the hearts of others welled up inside her. And as the silence stretched between them, broken only by the sounds of the rain, she cast about for some something to say.

"A- Ah-choo!"

The sneeze caught her by surprise. From the way Aoshi blinked at her, she thought it had him as well. For a moment they stared at each other in bemusement but, suddenly finding the situation oddly humorous, Kaoru gave a small laugh.

"Aoshi-san," Kaoru's voice was hoarsely amused, "this is an unexpected surprise."

"Ah," was all he said.

No doubt he was uncertain of how to respond in such a situation. That was fine since she wasn't sure either, simply following her intuition down whatever path it chose. Drenched and shivering, there was one particular path she decided on.

"Aoshi-san, I won't ask what you're doing here." She flicked a glance towards the four makeshift gravestones and back to Aoshi, a hand reaching up to rub her throat. "But it's getting late and I think you owe a woman traveling alone an escort home."

Aoshi closed his eyes, body canting forward as he bowed his head. "I'm sorry."

"Then I'll accept your company on my way home as recompense."

"After what I did, you still want my company?"

"You weren't yourself, I know that," Kaoru said with a gentle smile. "And, yes, I do. So, your answer? Is it a fair enough trade?"

After regarding her silently for a moment, he gave a brief nod.

Hiding the extent of her relief at his assent, she gave him time to pay what respects he had left to pay to the graves of his fallen comrades, paid them herself under his silent regard, before they departed. In silence they made their way down the muddy road, Kaoru once more with bokken in hand and Aoshi bearing the weight of the wide umbrella shielding them both from being drenched by any more rain, keeping whatever thoughts they thought to themselves. It wasn't until they reached the entryway to her home that Kaoru spoke again.

"I also have one more request," she said as she looked up at him. "Would you please stay? At least until the rain stops."

"Why?" he asked, eyeing her narrowly. "Why would you want me to stay?"

Kaoru knew enough about fighting men and pride to say anything that might indicate pity. But she wanted him to agree, knowing she would worry about him if he were to refuse. So she thought carefully about what she could say that would garner his assent. And then she had it.

"Because allies should look out for each other," she told him. "And because I owe you."

He looked at her askance. "How?"

"You've forgotten?" she asked with a smile. "Well, even if it didn't mean that much to you, it did to me. I know that you were the one who figured out that my death was staged when I was kidnapped. And you were there to help when everyone came to rescue me from that island. Who knows? If it weren't for you, I might even still be there now."

"Doubtful. Saitou would have found you even without my help."

"Well, I don't see it that way. I still feel the need to repay you."

"And my staying would do that?"

"I don't think it would hurt. Besides, I could do with the company. With Kenshin and Yahiko away, it's just me here and I really would prefer not to be here alone. It's lonelier than I thought it would be without them."

"They're gone?"

"Just for a little while. Money is a bit tight so they both took on jobs that are keeping them away for a bit. Well, not just them. I did too. Actually, I was on my way back from it when I came across you." She stared at him steadily. "Won't you please stay? I'll rest easier if you do."

There was more of that quiet regard but, in the end, he agreed. "Very well."

"Thank you," she said softly.

Hopefully, she would be able to convince him to stay longer that just one night. But she would take this one for now. Meanwhile, she reminded herself to write to Misao to let her know that Aoshi was safe and found. Perhaps, however, she'd wait a bit to allow him time to resolve his feelings before being faced with Misao's bombardment of concern.

Kaoru settled him in the room that Kenshin and Yahiko shared, bringing him a drying cloth and a yukata to change into. Donning a fresh change of clothes herself, some time after when she deemed that Aoshi had enough time to do the same himself, she knocked softly on the door to his temporary room.

"Come in."

Sliding the door open, she entered bearing a tray. "I thought we could both do with some hot tea to help warm us up. Though my cooking might not be much, I can at least make a semi-decent pot of tea. I think."

"Thank you."

"You might want to hold that until after you tried the tea," she said with a laugh.

Pouring the tea, she handed him a cup before pouring her own. After taking a sip, she regarded him over the rim of her cup, studying his reaction. Which she really couldn't determine, after all.

"Um," Kaoru started anxiously. "How does it taste?"

"It's good."

"Really? You're not just saying that?"

"Yes."

"Well, that's a relief. I was a little worried that I might have steeped the tea leaves too long, or maybe not enough. It feels like so long that I'd made tea myself that I was beginning to think that I had forgotten how." She took another sip. "It always takes me back. I remember doing this so often for my father before he died. He always said it was the best tea he ever tasted though, truthfully, I always thought that was the only thing he ever lied about. I was his daughter, after all. And I still miss him."

Though Aoshi gave no indication, she had the feeling he was listening.

"Even after all this time," Kaoru continued reflectively, "it still hurts. Especially around the anniversary of his death, the pain sometimes just takes me by surprise. It's better now though than it was back then. I had such a difficult time letting go. During that first year after he died, I'd have nightmares about it that I could never quite remember when I woke, maybe partly because I didn't want to." She shook her head in remembrance. "Sometimes, at night, when it hurt so bad and I was feeling the worst, I'd blame him and hated him for leaving me. Terrible, isn't it?"

Aoshi didn't respond, but that could have just been because she didn't give him time to.

"I thought it was," Kaoru answered her own question. "Part of me couldn't forgive him for leaving me alone, even though it wasn't his fault. And then I couldn't forgive myself for thinking such awful things about a father who had been nothing but wonderful to me when he was alive. All the rage, all the pain...I tried to repress it. For a while it seemed to work and even the other people who were left to care about me thought that I was coming out of my grief." Her hand tightened around her tea cup as she stared into it, lost in her thoughts. "I wasn't though. It seemed like, one day, that inner wall I used to hold back all those horrible emotions just broke and everything just slammed into me."

Aoshi made a soft sound but Kaoru didn't notice.

"It was so terrible, for a moment I wanted to kill myself." She dragged in a ragged breath, mind buried in the past. "No one knew. I never told anyone, didn't think anyone could understand what I felt. Everyone always says that your departed loved ones would want you to live on and, though I do think it's true, I found it really hard to actually feel and believe it at the time. All I knew was that I wanted to be with him like I always had. If there was a way for me to turn back time and stop him from dying, I would have done it. Anything. But, of course, that was impossible. I couldn't prevent his death, I couldn't bring him back to life. I couldn't do anything. Nothing at all."

She looked up then, meeting Aoshi's gaze with all the wounds of the past.

"Sometimes, I still feel that way and perhaps it'll never go away completely." She shook her head. "What made the pain of it worse was that, even though it was no more my fault than my father's, I blamed myself for his death. Letting go of that guilt wasn't easy, no matter how misguided. And because I clung to it, maybe that's why it took so long to heal, so long before I felt even close to being myself again." She let out a shaky sigh. "Maybe someone else under the same circumstances would have handled it differently, better, I don't know. It's different for everyone. But what I _do_ know is that I can make the best of things and live life to the fullest, both for him and myself. It's what my father wanted and, though I can't say it's always easy, it _is_ worth holding onto life. For my father, for myself, and for all the others still living that care about me." She smiled then. "It's important to not give up."

Aoshi closed his eyes. "Thank you."

"No need for that. I owe you my life. And before you try refuting that, that's just how I feel and I doubt that anything you say will change my opinion on that score - so you might as well save your breath." She took a sip of her now lukewarm tea to wet her parched throat. "I just know that it's as important to think of the living as the dead. More so, perhaps, because the living can still be hurt by our actions." She looked at him. "Misao-chan and the others are worried about you. You didn't tell them where you were going."

"No. I didn't."

"It's okay. If you don't want to, I'll write and let them know to ease their minds." She drank the rest of her tea before settling the empty cup back on the tray. "And, please, if you don't want to return to Kyoto immediately, feel free to stay here for as long as you need to until you think you're up to traveling anywhere. You can come and go as you like, but the idea of anyone out there at the mercy of nature, especially at night, bothers me. And having company other than myself around really does make me feel better. So what do you say, Aoshi-san?"

There was no answer.

"Aoshi-san?"

Peering closely at his silent figure, observing the even cadence of his breathing, it wasn't until the tea cup in his hands began tilting alarmingly that Kaoru realized Aoshi, somewhere in the midst of her little speech, had fallen asleep! More bemused than insulted - she'd never known anyone to fall asleep while sitting aside from Kenshin - Kaoru had to wonder just how long Aoshi had been sitting awake by the grave side of his friends.

Wary of meeting the same fate as the last time she had tried to snap him out of his current state, she was also hesitant about disturbing his rest. Making a decision, she leaned over and carefully removed the tea cup from his loosened hold. Grateful when that didn't seem to elicit any response, she put the cup on the tray and took them out of the room, tiptoeing cautiously as she tried very hard to make as little noise as possible.

But she remembered what she'd told him about nightmares and wondered if he had them too. She knew Kenshin did, so there was a high possibility that Aoshi was haunted by them as well. If that were the case, she didn't feel right leaving him alone, especially not after the way she had first come across him that day.

Moments later she reappeared by Aoshi's side. As silently as she could manage, she settled a blanket softly over his shoulders. Breathing an inward sigh of relief when he remained as he was, she quietly moved around the room and blew out the lights before settling down on the floor a few feet away from him. It might not be much but it was the only thing she could currently think of to do. Maybe tomorrow she could come up with something more that could be done to help. So thinking, she stretched out and drew her own blanket up to her chin, listening to the rain still falling outside as she stared out into the darkness of the room.

"In case of nightmares," she breathed softly, "I'll keep watch. Until tomorrow."

For a while, she kept her promise.

But the day had been an exhausting one for her as well. No one could say how long she managed to stay awake and listened carefully to the rhythmic breathing of a nearby slumbering Aoshi. Between one moment and the next, the darkness of the room slid into that found behind closed eyes in sleep.

She was unaware of when it happened, unaware of when the slumbering warrior woke, unaware of when he silently rose and moved. And she remained unaware when he took up his weapons and stepped noiselessly across the floor, closer and closer to her sprawled form. No response did she make as he studied her in silence, even as he drew the blanket she had given him tighter around his shoulders while he put his back to the wall and slid down until he was sitting on the floor close beside her, his kodachi within easy reach.

And so, Kaoru slept while Aoshi kept watch throughout the rainy night.


End file.
